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How long do you wait?

Friday, April 22, 2011

So I was watching The Talk the other day (my new guilty pleasure) and I was wondering what you ladies thought of the topic of “how long do you wait for a guy to ask you to marry him before you jump ship”?   I’ve been in an amazing relationship for about 5 years and have had my moments of being impatient, but I have come to the conclusion that if you truly love someone you wait it out a bit until you both are ready.  But, ask me next year this time and if we still are not engaged, LOL then maybe my theory will change (just kidding).  So ladies how long would you date a guy until you decide you have waited long enough?

Achelle is the Creative Director, Brand Ambassador and official Makeup Artist for e.l.f. cosmetics}

 

 


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Dasia wrote:
1) 4/22/2011 9:20:39 AM
I personally have never been in this situation before and I don't feel that passionate about marriage. I don't think any amount of time is long enough. I don't believe you can put a waiting period/time on such things as marriage. There is no right or wrong when it comes to matters like this. It happens when it happens. The worst thing you can do is rush into it.
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xcarriex wrote:
2) 4/22/2011 10:09:17 AM
2 years, or whenever i'm ready
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beautyincrescendo wrote:
3) 4/22/2011 10:21:49 AM
If it is really important to you, I think this needs to be expressed to your partner as a priority. Set goals together regarding when you would like to move forward. If he doesnt share your vision for your future, or is not willing to "go there" within a reasonable time frame, then I would definitely take this as a serious sign that you are coming from two different places that probably will not unite. Time to move on...
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queen-of-skullz wrote:
4) 4/22/2011 10:33:52 AM
I guess if i was truly in love I could wait for a long time but i agree that i would get very impatient though.
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Laetizia wrote:
5) 4/22/2011 10:35:48 AM
I think if a couple has been together for five or more years (or they have bough a house together, like my friend did!) they really need to figure out what they want to do. I have been with my fiancé for two years and I could never have imagined waiting longer to get engaged. But maybe I'm impatient. ;)
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Dreany wrote:
6) 4/22/2011 10:38:13 AM
Hi, Achelle, You pose a great question. I'd never wait five years for anyone - I think some men, and women, also, get too comfortable with keeping relationships as they are, as time progresses. My husband decided I was the woman he was going to marry the first time he saw me, and although it took us close to a year to actually get married, I would never have waited a long time. For my part, when I met my husband, I was just ending a seven year relationship with someone I loved deeply. What I realized, however, in that previous relationship, was that we had become too comfortable in our holding pattern. As with most things in life, it becomes difficult to backtrack and change things. At the time, I talked to and obsessed with a lot of friends, and most felt the same - the longer relationships went on, the longer they remained the same. Women who stayed in long term relationships rarely ended up marrying the guy and eventually ended up either alone or swept off their feets by someone else. At this point, I speak from vast experience, as I've been married for quite some time and have watched friends with failed relationships and others entrenched in marriage. Sadly, many of those who waited for a guy to totally commit ended up alone - the guy would unexpectedly find someone else and bail. Those relationships unfortunately ended really badly, and the women were the ones who got hurt badly. It was much easier for the men to move into new relationships, and generally, they married their new girlfriends rather quickly. I'm sorry to offer such harsh words, but I'd hate to see you hurt unnecessarily. I also offer this tidbit of personal wisdom, if you want to have kids. It's definitely easier to have children at a younger age, compared to having them at an older age, as children take a lot of energy.
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Latinkookie wrote:
7) 4/22/2011 10:38:50 AM
Well..given my past. I was in a 7 year relationship, engaged twice but nothing ever came of it. Now with my current 2 year relationship we are getting married next month! :D So, time does not always equal more of a chance for a marriage. Do it when it feels right, but don't wait too long! 5 years really Achelle, What is he waiting for?
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Nia K wrote:
8) 4/22/2011 10:41:58 AM
When the time is right, then you and your significant other will know. My husband and I dated for....wait for this....8 years before he FINALLY proposed but we both knew that prior to the 8 years, we were not ready yet and when the timing was right, it was just magic. Every relationship is different, it just depends on where you are with your relationship, some develope much faster and others take time.
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Bynature wrote:
9) 4/22/2011 10:48:12 AM
I would wait as long as it takes for both parties to be ready, After one failed marriage, that started out rushing, it's not worth the headache or heartache to do other then wait.
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mtnjill wrote:
10) 4/22/2011 10:49:25 AM
In my opinion, it would all depend on the two individuals and how strong they both agree their relationship is. For example, I dated my husband at the time for five and a half years, and aftr waiting that long I proposed to him! I felt I had been patient enough and if he didn't have the courage to ask me, I would help him along. If he would have declined, it would have appeared to me that the marriage would have never taken place. Patience is a virtue, but only to a certain extent, especially for women such as myself. Needless to say, our marriage lasted for 26 years and two children later. Not to shabby!!!
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Imagined Perfection wrote:
11) 4/22/2011 10:51:26 AM
Hey Achelle, That's so difficult considering both guys and relationships are different. In my opinion I would hope the guy I date is communicative enough to want to discuss it some time, where it's not weird or too overt for either of us. I think waiting only comes when neither of you have discussed marriage. If everything is fine and I'm really happy with the way it is I would leave it regardless of how long it's been. I do believe two people can be perfectly happy without being married. If truly am certain he's 'the one' and I want to go that step further I would at least bring it up, not as an ultimatum or to force his hand but to simply gauge his opinion. After that the rest is pretty much subjective in terms of how comfortable I am in waiting. For me it would depend on the guy, the relationship and where my life is at the moment. - Nicole
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Vall wrote:
12) 4/22/2011 10:54:27 AM
It depends on the relationship. But if you've dated a guy seriously for over 10 years and STILL no question...there might be a problem!
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Brown_Beauty wrote:
13) 4/22/2011 10:56:45 AM
Girl, your pretty from what I CAN SEE in the pic!! It's already been 5 years? Do you have a ring, atleast? You need to let him know it's time! If he has issues, move on! Love yourself first! I would move on if he doesn't see you two together. Hello!
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NIcoScott wrote:
14) 4/22/2011 11:00:52 AM
I think if ur really innlove with the person marriage shouldnt be something u have a time limit. Although us women would like to if we love our men give them time it really like the end of there lives and the beginning on a new one. Which scares them beyond belief !
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Mz-love wrote:
15) 4/22/2011 11:01:14 AM
I think that if you really love eachother you don't need the paper. But if he knows you want to get married he will surprise you trust me they don't like when you keep telling them or just act like you don't wana get married any more and he'll think that if he dosent marry you he will lose you. Hope this helps good luck :)
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mariaxo wrote:
16) 4/22/2011 11:01:35 AM
I think you need time to get to know each other and get to understand each other and the guy is usually the most reluctant to get married but I wud say 3 or 4 years...maybe. or whenever we are both ready because you don't want to run into something quickly and end up regretting.
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Tiffykt wrote:
17) 4/22/2011 11:03:47 AM
Why even get married at all unless it's for legal reasons? If you two love each other, and are committed to each other, then why does it matter? What does marriage change? Best of luck Achelle.
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mhrj wrote:
18) 4/22/2011 11:07:47 AM
In my opinion, if you jump ship because the other person doesn't want to get married (within your time limit or not at all), then you really shouldn't be married. It's like you are in love with the idea of marriage, not your partner. You shouldn't need to get married to be happy together. :)
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chjack wrote:
19) 4/22/2011 11:08:22 AM
I had set a deadline in my head (of Nov 30- my birthday)after about five years of togetherness. In August we were watching a movie at about 10:00 pm and the neighbor below us ran up to tell us the house was on fire.... After that traumatic event we were married within weeks. It put everything into perspective. We didn't have a big wedding, but that sooo did not/does not matter. We have been married for 11 yrs now. So follow your heart and your head- you will know- if you listen
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livenlaugh92 wrote:
20) 4/22/2011 11:13:12 AM
Personally, I have never been in a situation where I wanted to get married yet, but I think that you will get married when both of you are ready..when it is time, I would suspect that you will know. Somethings may make you anxious, but good things come to those who wait! Good luck! :)
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KelCalh wrote:
21) 4/22/2011 11:13:34 AM
I say live together for at least 6 months to a year before you tie the knot. SO much changes when you live together. Also you should just know after a few weeks or months if that is the person you want to spend the rest of your life with them. But I also think that there is NOTHING wrong with not getting married and just staying in the relationship. the only thing that changes when your married is your name (if you change it) and a paper. You might join bank accounts but really when you think about it NOTHING changes when you get married. Weddings cost A LOT and to get a devorice it cost even more! I say if your happy your happy! Why leave someone you love and your happy with just because you're not married? I think that is silly, I'm getting married 9.10.11 of this year and If my fiance didn't ask me to marry him I would still be with him! I love him and don't want to be with anyone else. We all have our opinions and morals, mine are just more laid back... I say stay with your boyfriend Achelle!!!! You have said it your self "I've been in an amazing relationship..." if its amazing then dont push things. =] Good luck and hope he will pop the question soon. Cheerfully, Kelli
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Polifimus wrote:
22) 4/22/2011 11:14:30 AM
Personally, I would only date a guy 4 years before getting engaged. At that point, enough time has passed for both people to know whether they want to commit or not. That said, every couple is different, so the length of time will vary depending on the people.
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susiem wrote:
23) 4/22/2011 11:19:43 AM
It all depends on the two people. My husband had a bad first marriage so he was in no hurry to remarry and it was not that important to me. So ten years and two kids later we got married. Four and a half years later he passed away. So you both need to talk and decide if marriage is important and a deal breaker. If you don't talk now marriage would never work out anyway.
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canny~~ wrote:
24) 4/22/2011 11:26:00 AM
It depends on how much I trust that person. but on average it would probably be a long time... Maybe +2 years?
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marrymeanswer wrote:
25) 4/22/2011 11:27:27 AM
I'm actually in the position currently. I've been long term with this guy and had been pondering a lot and I finally asked him if he saw himself marrying me. He then told me he had plans to as soon as he finished his masters. There isn't a need to rush. Obviously most girls dream of their wedding day but if you're going to be together forever, what's the rush?
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kandikam wrote:
26) 4/22/2011 11:36:29 AM
I say that you should sit him down and see where his head is at because if you guys dnt ever talk about marriage you'll never be on the same page. So talk to him make sure marrage is something that you both want then make your decisiion on weather or not to jump ship
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SteenBean wrote:
27) 4/22/2011 11:38:15 AM
For me, it's less to do with time together and more to do with age. The older you get, the less you should have to wait (however, couples of all ages should still be together for a reasonable amount of time to get to know eachother first). When I think about how long I'll wait, I start to think about how long I want to spend with just my husband and I in the house before bringing kids into the picture (for me ts five years). Also, I think about the latest age I'm willing to have kids (32) and I start to subtract. If my boyfriend isn't willing to marry at the age I feel reasonable in order to be able to spend some time together as a married couple before having children, then I would have an issue. Luckily, this stance on marriage has worked out for me :)
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Glampebble wrote:
28) 4/22/2011 11:48:44 AM
I'd wait for the right moment, then ask him, it might seem alittle pushy, but that asures him your ready for marrige and have definately been thinking about it. He will know you want to get married so he will say yes. Hopefully :)
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melody24 wrote:
29) 4/22/2011 11:59:31 AM
thats a hard qustion, but i think it depends apon ur relationship with him, for example i dated a guy for 5 years and the idea of getting married have never came to his mind.. and i was waiting and waiting, till i open the subject and we broke-up thats what i mean of it depends (if the guy wants you he'll ask, if he thinks its just time, he wont ask)
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Latebloomer wrote:
30) 4/22/2011 12:07:01 PM
It isn't a time frame on love some people say they fell in live on first sight other over a period of time truly it is a personal choice that both parties involved agree upon
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toni336 wrote:
31) 4/22/2011 12:10:45 PM
Honestly, I think it depends on the two people in the relationship. If you are ready, why not? You can be married to a person for 25 years and divorce, or you can meet and marry someone in 3 months and stay married beyond 25 years. Communication is the key.
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2yrsmarried wrote:
32) 4/22/2011 1:57:25 PM
I think communication is key. If it has now become important to you to be engaged then you should let him know. If he doesnt know how you feel then maybe he will take longer to get there. Since you both have been committed to each other for so long, an engagement should not scare him. I say talk to him :) Good Luck!
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BBear90 wrote:
33) 4/22/2011 3:28:48 PM
Marriage literally would not change anything other than the LEGAL status of my 3 year relationship. I'm not sweating it in the least. Marriage is nothing more than a financial security net added to a social construction. We can be hopelessly in love without being wedded. Enjoy your partner without adding the stress or anxiety of engagements or marriage!
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diam0nddbee wrote:
34) 4/22/2011 3:36:49 PM
I personally think that five years is while but you should wait anther year , you never know . He could ask you soon . I bet you both are perfect eachother. Never give up (:
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MissMagrrr wrote:
35) 4/22/2011 4:34:15 PM
Well I think commitments like marriage are to be taken seriously. Maybe he wants to buy you the perfect ring, but just can't afford it yet? Say he is trying to get things in order so that he can afford to give you the marriage/honey mood you want? It could be a million things. Wait some time!
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DevastatingDIva6 wrote:
36) 4/22/2011 10:51:46 PM
If the relationship is doing fine, don't rush marriage. Those feelings will be there. Trust me..you would rather have a marriage that you both wanted with no regrets. Continue to love him like you have the last 5 years. Take care.
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Shoe Girl wrote:
37) 4/23/2011 12:08:57 AM
I think that about 2 years would be my limit. I think that it takes at least a good year to truly get to know someone, but after that, we should be on a road to somewhere more permanent. This is especially true since I am now in my 30s.
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Sonja wrote:
38) 4/23/2011 12:21:12 AM
I think it depends on the age of the couple. My boyfriend and I have been dating for over 2 and a half years, and he asks me to marry him all the time ( half jokingly, but i know it'w what he want). I always tell him that we will later when things are ready, and we'll know when time is right. Its a huge commitment, so it's very important that both partners have their heart in it. It's better to wait a while, then get married and have a lousy marriage. And after all marriage definitely changes lives, because then come babies, and a union not only of two individuals but also two families...so it's not easy. Its nice to know where he stands in the whole marriage deal though, and knowing that a man wants to spend the rest of his life with you is definitely comforting!
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agelessbeauty wrote:
39) 4/23/2011 1:45:50 PM
Like you said wait until you both are on the same communication track about getting married. Don't push for it to happen. But you certainly can as if he would like to get married to see if he have marriage in mind. If he has been married before or even been jilted then he might be afraid that if he get married again he don't want to lose out.
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DI<3 wrote:
40) 4/24/2011 1:43:12 AM
I think you should wait until they are both ready.
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xoxoKat wrote:
41) 4/24/2011 1:39:05 PM
In my opinion... it depends. If he's waiting out of doubt of the relationship working, then you might want to think otherwise. But, if it just seems like he wants the right moment in life, and would marry you anytime.. then stay with it. Good luck <3
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juliaw2 wrote:
42) 4/25/2011 2:22:11 PM
ID say to wait at least 6 years. But you never know if you really love someone you can stay with them forever and never get married. I say with relationships,you just never know and go with what feels right to you.
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Nae-Ners wrote:
43) 4/25/2011 4:06:34 PM
My husband and I were engaged after 7 months of dating, and were married 3 months after that. That was the right amount of time for us. I personally wouldnt have waited much more than a year for him to at least propose. But like so many others have said--It is a personal thing. It all depends on when you both feel like it's the right time. Its not worth it to rush into something so serious and try to force something if it's not there.
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Amelia17 wrote:
44) 4/25/2011 6:05:05 PM
I know that someday I want to get married, and I make sure any man i date has the same idea. If we don't have a similar goal, it's just going to cause frustration down the road, but I can't see myself giving a man an ultimatum because he hasn't proposed yet.
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Ambrkat wrote:
45) 5/2/2011 11:52:01 AM
Who says you have to wait? I thought the whole point of being equal was, well, being able to step up when one partner may not quite know how to approach the subject. I set up a romantic weekend getaway for me and my now-husband, we had dinner, danced, the usual wonderfully chick-flicky romantic things. And on the last day, as we were sitting and talking, I asked him. Just told him how I needed him in my life as much as I needed air, basically. Our 7th anniversary is this year ^.^
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maryclaire8999 wrote:
46) 5/2/2011 12:41:25 PM
well i would wait for as long as it takes. you are blessed to have a boyfriend in the first place :) at least you aren't single. i've never dated anyone before.
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Melissa @ I Still Love You wrote:
47) 5/2/2011 2:02:56 PM
I didn't wait long at all! My husband & I dated 2 months before we knew we were going to get married, 4 months before we were engaged & were engaged just over 3 months! All of our friends & family couldn't agree more that we are two peas in a very unique pod.
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mushabooms wrote:
48) 5/2/2011 3:00:01 PM
The two of you almost have to have the same idea of when to get married. Otherwise, one has to wait too long or it'll be too soon. It will end with one resenting the other because of it.
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Rachbabe wrote:
49) 5/2/2011 5:54:52 PM
Hey, My answer is you should ask him about how he feels about marriage. Maybe if you communicate more with him you would see his point of view and yea idk.. haha just talk to him. Tell him how you feel.
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Daysi wrote:
50) 5/2/2011 11:13:53 PM
I think since the first times you go out, the topic will come up, and usually men disclosure their feelings about marriage, and you know if he will ask you or not, I had been married 3 times in my life and right now am dating a man that is not interested in marriage, and we love each other that we don't need that paper to be happy.
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Fabulousjuju wrote:
51) 2/28/2013 3:12:14 PM
How long does it take for order to ship? Thank you,my 1st purchase,heard great things about ELF products...
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