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I'm smitten with someone who lives in another state. There, I've said it. I did not want to be. I tried so hard not to be. Alas, we are here and I am.
I've been in long distance relationships before and I'm not totally sold on it being a viable option for starting a relationship. However, if you can here are my suggestions to making it work.
1. Communicate effectively!
The amount that you communicate is not as important as the quality of what you're communicating. Texting or g-chatting all day is an easy way to feel close to someone, but that may begin to feel mundane and stale. I think that video chatting or talking on the phone every night is a better way to connect with your significant other. Pick three things you want to talk about and then let the conversation flow naturally from there!
2. Be trusting!
You should want your significant other to go out and have fun, even if it's without you. Sometimes it's hard to see the big picture when the small picture is feeling a little lonely. The person that you're with is with you for a reason, trust they'd never do anything to mess that up.
3. Actually go the distance!
Sometimes it's hard to find the time, resources and financing to actually make a trip to see the person that you're in a LDR (long distance relationship) with, but committing to being with someone means that you must have those trips to keep you going. I would suggest flying, driving, train-ing, or bus-ing, but you could run to them like this ADORABLE Nike commercial!
4. Manage expectations!
If you're never going to move, then you should definitely let your significant other know that it's up to them to do so and vice versa. Also, knowing the next time you're going to see each other is so important. Those dates are definitely the dates that keep you going until the next time you see each other!
Do you have any suggestions in making long distance love work?
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1) 4/19/2012 5:20:02 PM
Long distance relationships are "typical" in my eyes. I had a long distance relationship once, back when there were no webcams, ovoo's skypes, & video chats. It was beautiful. I have to honestly say, that THAT relationship was single handily the most meaningful relationship I've EVER been in. The reason for that was because it MADE us communicate, trust one another (somewhat haha), & learn to love & live for each other based on pure raw emotions & nothing physical. I say go for it honey! Distance should never be a factor when it comes to love! 20 miles or 2,000...it doesn't matter. In this day in age I think relationships that are long distance are easier to handle. Make it last & make it work is my two cents! =) <3
2) 4/27/2012 9:41:18 AM
Skype is a great way to keep in touch. We had daily conversations and then set up Skype once a week. Most of the time the little things are the best, an "I'm thinking of you" text or e-mail in the middle of the day is an unexpected surprise and lets you know he cares, and vice versa.
Tanya Meredith wrote:
3) 4/27/2012 9:41:51 AM
As a military wife, I am always faced with the fact that my husband will be leaving so we take time each day to confide in each other and talk, even if its just in bed or over the phone. When he's away we Skype and send old fashioned snail mail. Its so fun getting love letters in the mail!
4) 4/27/2012 9:43:18 AM
I was in a LDR with my current boyfriend for a few months when he left for school 800 miles away from me. It was the hardest portion of our relationship (or any relationship I've had thus far,) but we made it work. I agree that texting constantly can be mundane, and it can also create problems. We made the effort to fly to each other (VERY IMPORTANT) and everything worked out fine, as I've now moved here and we are very happy together. :)
But if I could go back and do it all again, I would handle the situation a bit more gracefully. I'd take a deep breath and realize it would all be a thing of the past very soon.
5) 4/27/2012 9:44:57 AM
Communication is key! Though, I would set up dinner dates on Skype once a week, perhaps with a glass of wine too! Sending old fashioned written letters, texting photos with comments throughout your day while you're out and about. Originality is important. As long as the lines of communication are open (many people fail at this!), then you will survive the distance. Last but not least? Check this book out: http://www.amazon.ca/Long-Distance-Relationships-Complete-Guide/dp/0972114807
6) 4/27/2012 9:49:54 AM
Any online communication application such as Skype, and other video conferencing programs, web cams, etc. Then how about just plain old snail mail letters, remember those?
7) 4/27/2012 9:57:25 AM
Been there, done that - and it's worked out great. My husband is in the military, so an LDR is part of the package sometimes. Use every means of communication available - skype, texting, emails, phone calls, whatever. Try to keep it positive, but don't be afraid to say "I miss you" or talk about the rough spots. Hiding how you really feel can breed resentment, and that's going to bite you in the ass down the road. When you do get together, remember to spend time "just being". You don't have to fill every moment with doing stuff. Relaxing together is great for strengthening your bond.
8) 4/27/2012 10:04:53 AM
This topic strikes pretty close to home for me. I used to frequent a particular forum and I became pretty close with a few people there. While I didn't exactly find my soul mate, I made friendships that I'm surprised have lasted this long, and I've gotten to watch some of these online friends fall in love with each other. A few are even getting married shortly. I suspect they make their relationships work the same way we make our friendships work; long phone calls, texting a picture or two, goofy facebook interactions, etc. Above all, when there's a risk of falling out of contact, someone always takes the initiative to rekindle the friendship.
And of course, getting on a plane and going to see them helps too.
9) 4/27/2012 10:10:54 AM
I definitely agree....COMMUNICATION is everything! I am currently in a LDR and might I add that this is the most endearing, romantic, and fulfilling relationship that I have been in to date. My boyfriend and I have made it work for the past 4 years so I definitely believe it is doable =) Snail mail, sweet out of the blue texts, and talking often throughout the day and every night have given us staying power. It does get tough, but when we do get to see each other, we fall in love all over again...the distance really makes you cherish the love and bond that you have formed with your significant other even more so because you want to simply be....just enjoy that quality time all the more because it's not an everyday thing. If anyone wants to go the LDR route, just communicate, trust one another, and don't be afraid to love hard...because love is love...whether there's distance involved or not=)
10) 4/27/2012 10:30:31 AM
I definitely agree about the first two. Communication and Trust. Skype is always my go-to for a little face-to-face time. The hardst thing about distance is trust. You put a lot of faith in the other person. Sometimes it works but sometimes it doesn't. If if doesn't don't play the blame game, just know that you tried your hardest to make it work.
11) 4/27/2012 10:30:52 AM
Try to put together an inspiration board capturing romantic notes and gestures to pics of funtimes together! Looking at this daily is a great way to help during rough times when you start to feel discouraged and you aren't able to talk. If you have a planned trip to visit one another, posting a countdown can keep you focused and excited!
12) 4/27/2012 10:51:55 AM
Communication and trust. Adding a little fun to avoid the distance tension such as Skype, Face-Time, random texts, emails, calls or even pictures. A relationship being long distance, even with great communication and trust needs a little spice to keep it interesting! :)
14) 4/27/2012 12:10:20 PM
Skype! Skype! Skype! And keep it sexy... And classy. Don't ever let him forget what he's missin'. Trust, honesty, and communication, communication, communication!!! I've made it work. And it's still working... Just over a year and four months!
15) 4/27/2012 12:12:08 PM
Make sure your relationship is built on non-physical attributes like empathy or a great sense of humor. Personalities go a long way in making any relationship work but in this case you have a constant reminder of why you are together.
17) 4/27/2012 12:27:36 PM
Time is the most constant thing. If its meant to be, time will tell, so don't worry, just enjoy the feeling of being in love! Eventually, you two will be together. Just become a friend of time and you'll see ;)
18) 4/27/2012 11:40:49 AM
Like said before Skype is a great way, any of the IM services now have video and voice chat that can be used. call often. make sure you set aside time for each other each day. and talk when doing simple things. find a common TV show you both like and watch it together while talking on the phone,or pick a movie to watch together. Im speaking from expierence. 3 years long distance before we could be together and now 4 years since then. the little things help keep you close. and because you are doing the long distance thing youmay find you know each other better then ever before
19) 4/27/2012 11:49:44 AM
While I applaud your efforts at making a long-distance relationship work, I know they're just not for me. I think the problem with dating someone long-distance is that rather than really getting to know them, you're actually getting to know an idealized version of them. If you two ever move closer or start living together, all of the little annoying things about their personality will start to show and they'll no longer be the perfect person they were in your head.
20) 4/27/2012 12:33:31 PM
I've been with my long-distance boyfriend for 2 years, and trust is what it's all about! If you have any doubts as to whether your SO is faithful, it will never work. He can't just be your boyfriend - he has to be your best friend too!
21) 4/27/2012 1:02:23 PM
I was in a long distance relationship for a few years before I got married. I feel that although its hard to be apart it can also be very beneficial. You HAVE to communicate because that's really all you have. A long distance relationship forces you to talk. If you don't the relationship won't last. If you do, somewhere down the line when the long distance part of the relationship is over you may find your relationship is stronger than anyone else because you have built superb communication skills.
22) 4/27/2012 1:15:14 PM
I've been in a long distance relationship for the past 2 years and we recently got engaged :) it takes A LOT of trust. If you don't have trust, the relationship will not last! It's worth it but be prepared for the challenge!
23) 4/27/2012 1:36:35 PM
I'm in a long distance relationship, too. We've actually found a very cute town about halfway between us, so we plan visits there. It has quaint shops and in the summer there are all sorts of outdoor things to do. Somehow both of us driving halfway seems easier to make work than one of us driving all the way. Although this summer we are making plans to visit each other on our own turf. He will be available to relo over the next year and I can relo after about two years, so we are talking about where we want to move together since neither of us needs to stay where we are once those time frames are up. Skype is our lifeline.
24) 4/27/2012 3:24:41 PM
I think it is definitely important to make designated time for your significant other everyday....where you eliminate all other distractions to call, text or chat with one another.
25) 4/27/2012 3:34:33 PM
I think just keeping in contact is really the way to do it. Also both people in the relationship giving - one traveling to see the other one month and the vice versa the next. Know how long your relationship will be long distant and be sure to stay loyal to your partner
26) 4/27/2012 3:46:55 PM
Skype sit down dinners each evening, or a few evenings a week. Plan ahead for them. It will make the conversations less forced and more natural. You don't want conversations to feel forced. That's the first step in the wrong direction. Eating "together" at home will make the relationship feel real in a natural way.