Look, I get it. I get that the whole MILF thing has evolved into some “you must be perfect and look as if you’ve never been pregnant or looked at a cookie” mentality. I get that Britney gets called fat just because she doesn’t look like she used to – and that’s wrong. I get that Salma Hayek heard ALL about it because she actually looked pregnant with her entire body, and not like she was smuggling a basketball.

However, I also remember the I heard the term and how hard I laughed. (Sitting in a theater watching American Pie.)

It was awesome. Those two teenage boys licking the frame and going ape over Jennifer Coolidge.

I mean LOOK at her. She’s hawt, yo.

She’s hot and she does NOT:

1. weigh less than 110 pounds when her body is meant to weigh more.

2. look like a 20 year old when is she twice that age.

3. have skinny thighs.

She DOES:

1. carry herself with confidence

2. dress for HER body type

3. exude an “I could be the best thing to ever happen to you” aura

And THAT, my friends, is what I have in mind when I think of MILF. I’m done being a little girl, and I’m sick of all the images that keep trying to tell me that I’m supposed to aspire to be 15 forever.

So tell me, who is YOUR role model for being fabulous at any age or weight?

Dawn Schnee is a brutally honest mommy blogger with a penchant for cute shoes and insomnia. A life long make-up fanatic, Dawn also counts knitting, sex toy reviews and driving over the speed limit as favorite hobbies. Dawn can be found quietly running the show while her partners loudly lead the crowd at Room 704

I found a way cute, non black swimsuit and ordered it immediately.

What happened next… well… I’ll let you read:

Dear Self,

When you are 37 weeks pregnant, and you receive clothes you ordered for post pregnancy, it’s okay to try on the nursing bra, it’s okay to try on the shirts - especially when you find the shirts are actually stretchy enough to wear right freaking now, which is a beautiful thing since you are so sick of all of your clothes.

However, DO NOT get cocky and TRY to try on the one piece swimsuit, purchased to cover the stretch marks. You are NOT smart enough these days to put together the fact that when the swimsuit will NOT go up over your thighs that this is a SIGN that you clearly HAVE put on the recommended 30 pounds of baby weight and NOT a sign of a defective swimsuit. Do NOT then go and put on another swim suit - b/c even when it goes over your thighs it will barely stretch over your stomach - leaving your nipples slightly exposed. You need to go and thank God that you didn’t fall on your butt while you were tangled up in the swimsuit in the first place.

Love,

Me